Diet Online Center

So I pretty much gave up a while back.  As you can tell it’s been a while since I last wrote.  I still feel ugly and disgusting and it seems parts of my life keep making that abundantly clear to me.  I think I’m a beautiful person… I just wish it reflected on the outside.  It used too…I miss those days.  I miss turning heads and having random people hit on me and instantly fall in love and gush all over me.  Maybe that’s completely selfish and stuck up, but it sure helped my self-esteem.  Today “self-esteem” is an unknown word.  I’m not sure what it means anymore.  If it was up to me I would never leave the house anymore for fear of someone looking at me.  I need something to give me a boost.

So, dear readers, I’m starting over.  I gave up long enough.  Although I am healthy, I am in constant fear it’s going to take a turn for the worse.  Last night I was up for hours panicing that I’d have a heart attack or something like that.  In reality I knew I most likely was not, but my carple tunnel in my left wrist was acting up, my left leg was feeling a bit numb and one of my rib joints hurt (old issue)…. all the classic signs of a heart attack were there even though I knew better about each ache and pain.  But nights like these give me the little kick in the butt I sometimes need.

I’m cutting out smoking.  I’m excercising after work.  And lunch consisted of a cup of lentil soup (you know the kind you just add boiling water too).  I planned on dinner being sloppy joes, but this time, I only need one sandwich and some salad on the side.

I need to start eating and thinking like a thin person….or at least a fatty turned thin.  Maybe I need to make some thin friends so I can watch how they eat and get a better understanding of portion control from them.  All the stick people I know eat horribly and just naturally have a high metabolism.

It’s always been speculated that atkins may not be the healthiest solution.  Having watched what many people eat on the diet it is no wonder.

A few weeks ago a 40-year old woman was placed in intensive care for Ketoacidosis.  She apparently followed the Atkin’s diet closely and even took the suppliment pills which most people tend to skip.

I haven’t been able to find anything that says what she did wrong.. if anything.  Most of the information I find says Ketoacidosis can be avoided by drinking enough water.

So what’s the problem?  I don’t know!  Reguardless, Atkins may not be for everyone. If you do decide to give it a try… drink lots and lots of water!

I’ve been pretty down on myself lately.  I’ve had a lot of fat-ugly days and some slight depression.  I pretty much gave up on the whole diet thing for a bit there and didn’t think I’d actually post anything again.

Besides that the past week I’ve been sick and just didn’t care about much of anything!

I’ve made bad choices in the past 2 weeks but I’ve also made good choices so not all is lost.  I’ve actually lost another pound…which is great.  I had hoped it was more since I was sick and that is always a good time to lose weight since appetite doesn’t tend to be an issue.

The one thing I do realize I have to work on (I say this a lot don’t I?) is that I tend to pork out on Sunday nights before my weigh in.  Not on purpose…that is just how it seems to happen.  It’s the end of the week and no one feels like cooking.   Last Sunday was a buffet… Oi!

Lets see how this week goes!

My eyes rolled back into my head when I saw an extra pound and a half on the scale.  I didn’t remember doing anything really bad but the scale seems to think otherwise.

Yes, I feel like a disgusting blob this week.  I’ve taken two steps back and I’m kicking myself.  On a positive note, this kick might be the little boost I need to actually get off my ass and work harder.

Maybe I can take the weight I’ve gained off this week.

*crosses fingers*

So today after work I felt like getting out for a bit.  Everytime I do my grocery shopping I see this little half-priced book type shoppe and I finally decided to take a peak inside.

Honestly, the place was a disaster and the owner was one of those people who causes you to avoid a store completely just so you don’t have to talk to her.  But I rummaged trying to find some craft/art books.  The owner helped me locate the general area they would be in since the place had absolutely no organization to it. 

They didn’t have anything close to what I would find interesting so I took a mosey on over to the cooking section and eventually found a book of U.S. regional breads.  I decided to take it.

I gritted my teeth as I took it up to the front counter and told the owner I wanted it.  The front counter was completely engulfed in a see of books she was working on organizing…. I hope.  She took the book from my hand and looked it over and commented on her love of bread.

She took my debit card and swiped it… when suddenly a little middle-aged woman walks through the door, walks behind me, and then pulls on my left hoodie sleeve.  I made sure to keep my grin under control.. she reminded me of a toddler trying to get a parents attention.

Woman:  “I bet people tell you all the time you look like Michael Moore.”
Me: *almost speechless* “No this is the first time…  Is that a good or bad thing?”
Woman: “I guess that all depends.”

I restrained myself from turning around and backhanding her into last Tuesday. 

Since then I asked a few people and they all just laughed and told me I did not look anything like Michael Moore.  Although, I do have to admit, a few people did agreed. However, they did comment and say I am a better-kept version.

I almost slapped those people as well.